A psychologist at the University of Washington has discovered four key signs that all is not well within a partnership…
- Contempt - seeing your partner as beneath you. Your partner does something you don’t agree with, do you chat about it and decide that both your attitudes are reasonable, or do you immediately think ‘he’s an idiot’? The latter might suggest you have contempt for him - not a good start…
- Criticism - turning a behaviour into a statement about his/her character. Say your partner has a habit of leaving half filled coffee cups around the house, do you find that endearing, realise he/she must have been busy, or gently seethe, thinking ‘what kind of person am I living with?’ Not good…
- Defensiveness - playing the victim, even if you weren’t. Suppose you turn up late to meet friends and immediately say ‘it wasn’t my fault’ (even if it was) means that you’re not taking responsibility for your own actions.
- Stonewalling - blocking off conversations - do you ever do this, or does your partner? Something’s amiss, you begin to discuss it and then one of you answers your phone, starts to text, or walks off. You’ve got to communicate to sort through these problems, stonewalling is not the answer!
I think we can all say we’ve done one of these (or, let’s face it, all four!) at some time - but if it’s happening continually, you might be in trouble.
Forewarned is forearmed, maybe?
No comments:
Post a Comment